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What Women Want From Men

Is communicating as hard as you make it sound?

BY Aisling O'Toole

Oct 18, 2021, 12:12 PM

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That women are the most complicated and complex creatures is as obvious as ladies expecting cab fare when ‘visiting’ a guy. It’s commonly believed that men are simple and women, too complicated. Why? We never seem to know what we want. We are always unpredictable, give indirect cues and say X when we mean Y.

Sometimes, I don’t understand my female friends or even…myself. Choosing what or where to eat has been a big, big problem. Once in a blue moon, when asked where I’d love to eat, my mind goes blank. I start trembling, my mouth becomes disabled, for a moment, I can’t even remember my name or which city I’m in. Before you know it, someone has starved to death.

“Women say, ‘No, I don’t want anything with you’ then two or three weeks later they text asking why you haven’t texted them. Aren’t you the one who told me to leave you alone? Then why should I text you? Woman make up your mind” complains Sam.

It’s scientifically proved that it’s normal for women to be inconsistent, contradict themselves or change their minds for no reason. But honestly, are we that complicated as men say we are? And who said that men are simple either?

Here is what we want from men.

Talk. Talk. Talk.

Communication is the key to everything. No matter how busy you are, find time to talk to your woman. Check up on her as often as you can. Call, text, WhatsApp, Messenger, DM, or even Gmail her. There is no way you will ghost for two weeks and say you were busy. Do you have a phone? Do you have my number? Can you text? Can you call? Do you still have your fingers? Then what’s the problem? You want to tell me that you were so busy that you couldn’t get a minute or two to even text?

“My ex went a whole month without calling and when I called, he says ‘I was about to call you in a few minutes I’m not even sure how long I was single. Should I laugh or cry?” Asks Ann. She insists that men need to keep their promise especially when they say they’ll call. “I’m not going to wait for the next leap year for your call"

If you get my missed calls, call back.  Do not blue tick me for eight hours and insist you’re busy, yet I can see your status updates. I will show up at your workplace! If you are mad at me, don’t give me the silent treatment. Tell me what I did that made you angry. I’m not Angel Gabriel. If you are not okay, pour yourself out to me. If we are having issues, let’s talk and work things out.
If you are not ready for a relationship, just say it, so that we don’t waste each other’s time. No one loves being in an emotional mess. If you want to leave, tell me. There is nothing fun in being in a relationship alone.

I dated Mr. X for so long I can't even remember, and he didn’t speak up when he wanted out. Instead, he made it a full-time job to ignore me. One day, when I called, get this, thirty-seven times, he promised to call back since he was in a ‘meeting’. He never called. It’s been three and a half years now.

Be Honest

Make clear your intentions. If you have a girlfriend, a wife, a child, or even a boyfriend, be honest about it.  We need to be on the same page. No way will we be in a relationship for six months, then say things like “I hope you get a good man to marry you” What the hell? If you are not ready for something serious, bye-bye Mr You can’t just play with my heart.

P.S. you are not allowed to post ladies on your status or social media pages, your ‘cousin’ included. We need evidence. A birth certificate maybe?

Take Your Time To Know Me

If you are serious about me, take the time to know and understand me better. Take me out on a date, go for a walk or to the cinema, you know… let's have fun together. We don’t have to end up in a club where the only thing I can hear is Shamra shamra kelele na nderemo or end up in your bed when you don’t even know my name. You know, we at least need to start somewhere.

Even if you have the most appealing home theatre, take ladies out on a date. Normal human beings do this. We have had enough of, when is our Netflix and Chill date, when can I cook for you, when will you come to my place and when is our movie night. We are so over that. Women deserve much better than this. They need to be treated right.

It’s heartbreaking when you have never met a guy before but they want you to go to their place. Dude, you don’t even know me. Guys, our duty in life is not to visit your place. Sigh!

Keep It In Your Pants

When you say something about infidelity nowadays, people back it up with the song Nairobi. Nairobi is just a city, it’s the people sleeping around, so let’s not blame it. If you can’t keep it between your legs for me, nani tembea. We don’t want to date a guy who gets tempted by every Mercy or Sophie who walks by. If you are not disciplined enough to fight off a temptation then don’t get in a relationship. 

Try And Be Romantic At Least

Remember our birthdays and anniversaries. Surprise us with a gift now and then (it doesn’t have to be expensive), take us out for lunch, buy us the dress or the jacket we have always been talking about. Bring us flowers even if you collected them from the dustbin. We will aaawww, shed a tear or two, and love you more. The world will know how romantic you are. You will be surprised by what a simple gesture can do. It’s the little things that count. Rub our feet when we are tired, hold our hands, give us those gentle kisses on the forehead.

Listen

Even when we are saying things that don’t make sense, just listen. Sometimes, we just need someone to be there. To listen, to understand, and to remember. When we are gossiping about someone else, a lady in most cases, you also need to hate her. It doesn’t matter whether you know her or not. My enemies need to be your enemies.

Be Kind 

I don’t recall the last time I met a kind man! Let’s take a moment of silence to let that sink in. It doesn’t matter whether we forgot our jacket at home or we wanted to have yours, whichever the case, just give us the jacket. Excuse ladies to exit the lift or get into the matatu first. Help with the chores, the groceries, say sorry, excuse me, thank you, and here is some money go spoil yourself.

Lots Of Compliments

When our potbellies seem to be crawling out of our clothes or fold gently when we bend, tell us we look good. Tell us how perfect our bodies are, even when we take thirty minutes struggling to fit into our favourite jeans. We need to feel loved, appreciated, and beautiful even when we look as if we have been dragged from the bottom of a lake. When we wake with our eyes pale, lips cracked, the skin dry, our face scary, the pillow wet from drooling, the breath smelly, remind us that we look the most beautiful when we wake up.

Let's Have Meaningful Conversations

We need to talk about life and other stuff that matter save for how I woke up or what I ate. Let’s talk about how we can build each other and grow together. Let’s talk about the future and poetry and books.

We Want Your Support

We need you to support us in everything we do, be there for us, and assure us that everything will be okay. Most importantly, we need your emotional support.

Lastly, the same effort you put to make me yours is the same effort you should put in once we are in a relationship. Just because you have won me over, doesn’t mean that your work is done. We still need consistency and devotion. Failure to do this, things might go south and we will blame you for the little things that you were blind to.

Now does that sound complicated?

Read: As A Woman, You Need To Have A Plan B