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RELATIONSHIPS

Rules For African Daughters

Have you broken any of these yet?

BY Stephanie Kapfunde

Mar 21, 2022, 06:15 PM

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If you've ever been a Black, African Girl-Child across any generation, chances are you've had to live silently by these unspoken rules that often govern how you conduct yourself. 

"These rules are often worse in a family that holds the Gold Medal in the Bloodline Continuity Olympics - the almighty African Son"
Rich, poor, middle-class or progressive at least one of these rules have applied to you incognito or off the jump! So here are some African Daughter rules you may or may not choose to break as your course through this little adventure called life. 

You Can't Fail 
It is that special love African parents have for their beloved heir that leaves vast space for mistake and redemption for them but no room for the same for a daughter. The African Daughter is expected to be perfect, submissive, and agreeable. Even without a road map, we are to please the family at every turn and nothing short of exception is accepted of her. It is the dutiful daughter whose responsibility is to pick up from where the heir often fails usually via educational or marital triumph.

Keep Your Excellence Under Control
The daughter is expected to shine but not too bright to avoid drawing attention to her brother’s inadequacies and God bless his heart as it is an almost impossible task to make his parents turn away from him.  It is a painful dynamic but ironically it is the same parents who love him that caused his rot and lack of real-world gumption.

Don't Be Bitter 
Still, with all these facts at hand, the daughter can’t and will not hold a grudge against her parents nor brother. Her love and loyalty know no bounds and in all honesty, she will be the one to lead her family towards the light of understanding as she pleads her helpless brother's case

No One Will Thank You 
Enabling him, surviving the syndrome is back-breaking stuff. There are many times when your efforts aren’t appreciated or that your wins are downright minimized and when your mistakes are magnified as grave sins! No, there is fanfare coming, no guilt gifts or apologies. This is how the African daughter grows into the unsung strong African woman she is today. All this is thankless work.

In short... 
"Uzaba-strong sis".