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Is The Kenyan man Lazy In Love?

Matatu musings: Whatever happened to the good old chase?

BY Joan Thatiah

Mar 30, 2021, 10:16 AM

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I heard the most hilarious story the other day. When in his early twenties almost two decades ago, Peter, a friend of a friend, fell for this girl. She liked him too.

 She lived in the neighboring village in Meru. Dating those days took the form of loitering outside the home of the girl you liked and peeking through the live fence hoping to catch a glimpse of her. If you did, you would throw a stone to catch her attention and if she wasn’t too busy with the house chores, she would sneak out for a few stolen minutes with you.

After months of this, Peter came to her home one hot Saturday afternoon only to be told she had moved to another village kilometers away. He cycled in the simmering sun and paid the last five shillings he had to a little boy to call her only for her to emerge from a hut heavily pregnant. She had not just moved houses. She’d gotten married in the middle of their courtship! Peter says courtship died for him that day.

I’m sure you’ve heard stories like these. Stories about men who courted their women for years, men who proposed to the same woman numerous times before they could get a yes. Hearing stories likes these makes one wonder what women of our generation did wrong because courtship these days is DMs on Instagram and late-night texts asking, “You up?” If he brings flowers and takes you out on a proper dinner date, there’s a good chance that he is creating content for his ‘fans’. You know, doing it so that he can Vlog or Tweet about it.

Are Kenyan Men Lazy?

I am yet to meet a Kenyan man under 40 who has proposed to the same woman twice. He is also wary of investing not just money but also the time in a woman who isn’t wearing his ring.

The easy explanation would be to say that the Kenyan man has grown lazy when it comes to love. But has he? If he were lazy, shouldn’t the Kenyan woman be snubbing his DMs and late-night texts and demanding more?

What Can We Do?

The more realistic explanation is that the man today for sure will not cycle six kilometers in the sun to see you but he does want to be part of a relationship. It’s just that times have changed and he courts different now.

The whole truth is that if you are dating in 2021, you will not be dated like your mother or grandmother was. It’s time you began adjusting your expectations.
If he asks you out and you like him, don’t start playing games because you heard your uncle asked your auntie out four times before she agreed to go on a date with him.  Prince Charming is enlightened. He has seen those Twitter wars and he knows a woman’s no means no. He won’t keep asking you out.

To guard your heart, what you can do in 2021 is say exactly what you mean. Stop expecting him to read your mind, he can’t. And most importantly, if you like him, ask him if he’s game. If Covid-19 has taught any of us anything, it’s that life is fleeting.

Read: When Mr Right Has a Wife