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RELATIONSHIPS

Breaking Up With Your Bestie

How to do it like an adult

BY Joan Thatiah

Mar 22, 2021, 12:18 PM

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I came across an interesting post the other day. A woman was recounting how her life changed when Covid-19 happened. She had a good job and was renting a beautiful home and it all came crashing down when she lost her job and had to move back in with her parents in the village.

She was pained by how her friends did not help her when she was down. She seemed all too oblivious to the fact that 2020 did a number on all of us. That we were all worried about losing our loved ones to Covid-19 and losing our livelihoods. She forgot that as she was struggling to stay afloat, her friends probably couldn’t come through for her because they were fighting their demons.

Sometimes though, friendships should end. Maybe you have known her since your primary school days but it has become toxic. She seems to wake up every morning just to pull you down. Or maybe she stabs you in the back and trust is broken and you decide it’s best to move on from her. Or maybe you just grow apart and have no shared interests anymore. How do you deal with the feelings of brokenness that come when a friendship ends?

You Might Feel Shame

You know how women are so terrified of admitting that their romantic relationships ended because they are afraid of people thinking that they failed? It’s the same with friendships. You don’t want to become the woman who can’t keep friends. 

#Friendshipgoals on social media that have women bragging about endless Dubai vacations with their girl squad in matching white clothes will make the situation even worse. Step one of moving on from a broken friendship is ignoring all these tear-jerking posts and accepting that just like romantic relationships, not all friendships can last forever. Not all friendships should.

It Doesn’t Have To Hurt The Rest Of Your Friendships

The only good thing about relationship break-ups is that your friends are there to help you bad mouth him, paint the town red with you, or allow you to cry. When you break up with your friend, it can feel lonely.

A friendship breakup shouldn’t make things awkward between you and the rest of the squad. The only way to do this is to not make your other friends feel like they have to choose between the two of you. Be honest about the break-up, your role in it, and the boundaries you have set going forward. Don’t make your friends feel like they have to lie about spending time with your ex-bestie.

Remember The Good Parts

Do you have that one friend who seems stuck with this one man who has his good share of bad and you just can’t understand why? I do. We stay in relationships that seem bad to those on the outside looking in because we are too focused on the good.

This quality right here is what will help you move on from a failed friendship without feelings of bitterness. Your friend, even if she turned around and slept with your man (you should ditch both of them if this happens) wasn’t all bad. Let go of the anger and the bitterness for yourself.

Getting Over It Is A Myth

In a perfect world, when a friendship ends, we would put the past in a box, flip a new page and forget it all ever happened. In the real world, you will never really move on from the past.

There will be happy moments like weddings, baby showers, and graduation parties when you will miss your friend. The good news is that if you properly deal with the end of a friendship, you will be open to meeting people who make you laugh even harder in the future.

Read: Every Woman Needs A Girl Squad